Smelly Brexit

Trump’s Ulster hors d’oeuvre – Rathlin Island to be handed over to USA as part of post Brexit trade deal sweetener

RATHLIN Island could be handed over to the USA a gesture of good faith prior to the signing of a post Brexit free trade agreement, TGL can exclusively reveal.

High ranking Northern Ireland Brexiteer MP Kate Hoey was today spotted having secret talks with a senior US official, behind a stone wall on the island.

The news comes in the wake of US President Donald Trump’s recently expressed interest in purchasing Greenland.

It is now clear that he has been eying up a number of islands around the world, including Rathlin for some time.

Our source, who happened to be clipping goats on the other side of the wall, and who for his own safety prefers only to be known as ‘Wullie John’, said: “Thon boy was no American tourist much as he tried to look and sound like one.

“Nobody wears a black suit and shades on Rathlin except at a funeral.

“I was clipping goats minding my own business on my own ground when his big loud American voice carried over to me saying that selling Rathlin would be a ‘darned fine way of paving the way to a free trade deal, but giving it away for nothing would be an even better’.”

That soon got Wullie John sneaking right up to the wall, where he said he heard the pair discussing theoretical post-handover scenarios such as the multi-million dollar compensation plan for residents and the practicalities of moving the world famous bird colony to Sheep Island.

This would all be part of a process that would culminate in Rathlin being relocated to America, or turned into a United States Air Force base.

“I was just shocked, my family have been here 3000 years with a family tree to prove it,” Wullie John said, “though with the wind blowing through the wall and making a good roar of itself it wasn’t easy telling the difference between it and thon American, my hearing not being the best at the best of times.”

Though Ms Hoey refused point blank to comment, TGL received confirmation from a source close to the PM, that Boris had granted Ms Hoey plenipotentiary power in respect of the matter.

She is therefore empowered to strike an internationally binding deal without referring it back to parliament.

It has since emerged that President Trump has already got a pecuniary interest in the island, having sponsored the ‘Trump’ educational card pack helping children recognize wildlife at the island’s Seabird Centre with a picture of himself (see pic) included in the pack.

The President has cancelled a visit to Denmark as the spat between the two countries over Greenland continues.

Speculation that Ms Hoey’s own property interest on the island would retain UK sovereignty after the post Brexit handover of the rest of the island has not been confirmed.

Feeling on the island remains subdued, with the inhabitants nervously awaiting further developments.

©Ten Grand Leo

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