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EXCLUSIVE: Magneto to move Boris’s ‘spare’ bridge to link Northern Ireland and Scotland

NOTORIOUS X-Man MAGNETO will be moving one of PM Boris Johnston’s “spare” bridges to span the sea between Northern Ireland and Scotland, TGL can exclusively reveal. 

The grumpy people hating X Man, played by Sir Ian McKellen, famed for his supernatural ability to control metals and moving the Golden Gate bridge to Alcatraz, has been pressed into service at a time of national crisis, to bind the UK closer together. 

TGL understands that having asked Treasury and Department of Finance for a feasibility study and costings for such a project, Boris nearly pooped his undies when he read the subsequent report. 

“I thought to myself bollocks to all that,” Boris told TGL, “talk about making a simple thing complicated. 

“I knew we had a few bridges in storage for this type of contingency,” he continued, “and I spoke to Sir Ian McKellen personally.

“He is a national treasure and immediately agreed to reappraise his role in the national interest and move the bridge for us. 

“I am confident that it will be coming up the Irish Sea in days.”

DUP leader Arlene Foster welcomed the news saying that the Party’s preferred option had been a tunnel, but understood moving spare tunnels wasn’t just as easy as it was for bridges. 

“The main thing is that the UK will be physically one at last, something made extra poignant at this time of Brexit crisis.

“This is something DUP have been praying for, for a very long time, even when I was in the UUP,” she concluded. 

TGL understands that Mr Johnston plans to place the bridge at the narrowest point between the two islands, from Torr Head to Mull of Kintyre.

This is also the point the existing roads infrastructure is poorest, but Boris remains upbeat, 

“Once in Scotland just follow the B842 to Campbeltown, then the A83 for a 100 miles through the glorious highlands to Tarbet, another 40 down the A82 sees you in Glasgow, a dawdle at four hours – but watch out for sheep,” he warned. 

“The bridge should be in place for the next old firm match,” he promised, “and when you are enjoying the match you can thank my ‘Shite or Bust’ Brexit policy for delivering you to the game.”

However when TGL spoke to Sir Ian, he was categoric that he knew nothing about any bridge and hadn’t spoken to Boris either. 

He immediately quashed any notion that he would be using the fantasy powers from one of his characters, for this purpose. 

“My bridge moving days are over, but I would help move a mountain to bring a sensible end to the current crisis,” the 81 year old said. 

“Nonsense, we shall persuade him,” Boris responded amiably when this was put to him, “of that I have no doubt!” 

On the subject of Scotland TGL also asked Boris about the recent court ruling which concluded that the current suspension of parliament was illegal. 

“It’s not a suspension of Parliament, it’s a suspension bridge and a dam fine one too, binding the UK closer together until we can get the Northern Ireland only Backstop in place – oops don’t quote me on that,” the Prime Minister concluded. 

©Ten Grand Leo

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