TD bonks Melania in lift as Irish President scoops peace prize for 1916 plaque gesture

IRISH President Michael D Higgins has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his decision to send a plaque commemorating the 1916 Rising to sit in splendour in the newly refurbished Washington Monument in America’s capital city. 

Political murder, violating people’s right to life and partial culpability for the creation of a culture of endemic sectarianism across Ireland were matters for another day at his Phoenix Park residence, when the news was received. 

“I’m indeed honoured to accept this on behalf of the Irish People just as I sent the plaque on behalf of the Irish People,” he told the waiting press, in what was the speediest revealing of a Laureate ever, being announced the day after the unveiling of the plaque.

“The moral certitude of my actions in sending a humanitarian and uniting message from the people of Ireland to sit at a site sacred to one of our closest friends and great nations of the world, has been recognised by the Nobel Committee.”  

In Northern Ireland unionist representatives were taking the line on both plaque and prize that the Republic of Ireland was a separate nation and could do as it liked.

They were letting on, as usual,  that they and their people weren’t being arrogantly claimed, yet also excluded in all of this somewhere. 

Mr Higgins’ title ‘President of Ireland’ has always been ambiguous and he didn’t clarify who these ‘The Irish People’ or ‘people of Ireland’ were either. 


On the other hand Leitrim Ulster-Scots equality activist Mr Sawney McCleaver does expect to feel part of such stately goings on. 

Up in Dublin for the day, he was walking down Grafton Street, when a reporter asked him for his thoughts. 

He immediately quipped that most of the 40 million Irish referred to in the RTE report were actually Scots-Irish, “a different breed entirely,” he maintained.  

“It’s a true miracle how they get away with it after all their talk of inclusion,” he continued.

“It’s very clear to me that exclusion is the new inclusion, you wouldn’t think to look at that carry on that there was a protestant or unionist on the island at all; and now they’re giving him a peace prize for it?” 

He shook his head in disbelief and walked on.

“We politely ignore such bigoted little sour puss remarks,” a Presidential aide responded when all this was put to her. 


Meanwhile at the Washington Monument itself the Irish contingent had a fantastic time. 

TGL understands that the President’s wife Melania Trump, the bimbo who cut the ribbon on the day, slipped off for a quick shag in the lift with one of the Irish dignitaries.

“Jaysus lads this is what we’ve missed for 800 years,” he ejaculated afterwards, “yee-feckin-ha, this ascendancy malarky is feckin great. 

“Tisn’t it a wonderful point in the journey when being into the b**licks and talkin b**licks is exactly the same thing. Now that’s what I call POWER!” 

©Ten Grand Leo

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