Climate crisis

BAFFIN ISLAND LATEST: Polar bear saves ‘silly’ climate change denier from ‘wriggling’ berg of pallet wrap

A CLIMATE change denier who slipped through a drifting berg of plastic pollution thinking it was ice, has been saved from freezing arctic waters by a starving polar bear.

Prominent vlogger Dr Francis Fickly-O’Hare had travelled from Belfast to Baffin Island in the Canadian arctic to prove that the sea ice was forming earlier in 2019 than it had a century before.

His vlogging team travelled for three days to the isolated settlement of Shimik in the north of the island, with a photograph taken by a crew member of a whaling vessel on September 20, 1919, to try to prove his point. 

“There is more ice here today than 100 years ago,” Dr Fickly announced soon after his arrival, triumphantly stepping from his boat onto what he presumed was firm footed pack ice.

Instead he plummeted from view, much to the shock of his global audience.

Esperanza, one of several ships operated by Greenpeace

A Greenpeace scientist studying the local polar bear population, saw what happened next from a nearby vessel.

Ingrid Brexitshafter told TGL: “I saw with my own eyes a starving polar bear – we had named her Paula – rouse herself from her emaciated slumber on shore.”

Global warming is causing the ice to form later and melt earlier, which means the bears don’t get winter seal hunting on the ice for long enough to stave off hunger during the summer. 

“Leaving her cubs, she crashed into the water to extricate the silly doctor from the twisted strips of pallet wrap and other gunk that were throttling him.

“His team stood with their mouths hanging open during the rescue,” Ingrid noted, “some had even guns pointed,” she added disgusted, “as Paula dragged Dr Fickly to their boat to be hauled aboard.”

This isn’t Paula the polar bear, but shows exactly how Paula saved Dr Fickly

Since making a full recovery, Dr Fickly, is disputing the official Canadian description of the ‘object’ as “a whale sized accretion of translucent rubber and polythene -predominately pallet wrap.”  

“Pallet wrap,” I think not,” Dr Fickly v-ranted later the same day “Condoms thousands of them, in a great collective body, almost as if they had a consciousness! It felt like a new genus – they wriggled individually! They tried to throttle me, I thought I was dead.

“Is there no evil the liberal snowflake elite will stoop to, creating such a monster to send up here,” he concluded.

Dr Fickly believes that a cabal of liberal billionaires are behind “myths” about climate change, earning trillions by exploiting people’s fears and trying to create a new world order.

“Could be in part, I suppose,” Ingrid shrugged: “They get flushed, some end up in the ocean! We don’t really know how long it takes condoms to degrade!  

 “Pick a biodegradable brand,” she advised. 

 “He didn’t even thank Paula,” she concluded shortly.  

©Ten Grand Leo

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