Causeway Crack

LATEST: Ballymena sees mass conversion to Islam after Wrightbus collapse

THE Ulster Bible Belt town of Ballymena is now believed to have an overwhelming Islamic majority after a mass conversion to that religion in the wake of the collapse of Wrightbus.

“Rightly or wrongly, the outrage generated by the feeling that 1200 jobs were sacrificed in the ill-conceived pursuit of a Christian super church project has caused a deep spontaneous paradigm shift of beliefs among ordinary people,” says Ballymena Post Editor, Mr Winston Guff.

“It is common knowledge that Wrightbus ploughed over £15 million into Christian ‘charitable’ ventures like the Green Pastures Church and the huge 97 acre ‘Project Gateway’ urban village super church site,” he continued, “the feeling  that the firm was more devoted to God than to its workers caused immense anger and sense of let down when the news broke. God’s 26% stake in the business didn’t do Him any favours either,” he concluded. 

TGL understands that every Protestant denomination has been utterly depleted of members and there is hardly a Catholic to be found in the town either.

“Mohammad, peace be upon him, is the Prophet for us now,” said former Pastor Joey Mulligan, now known as Yousaf Ali Khan.

Trainee Imam Khan, whose brother, father and two cousins were former employees at Wrightbus, continued; “We just couldn’t go on as before, overwhelming questions arose about how and why this had happened; we had piled God’s collection plate high, only to have him throw it back at us and rob us of our livelihoods. Something had to change.

“It is only Allah that is the true source of peace for us now,” he concluded.

Insanely, despite making a loss of £1.7m in 2017, the firm still gave £4.15m to project super church.

Pastor Elvin Barnett, who still preaches at the ‘wee tin church’ adjacent to ‘Project Gateway’ is the last remaining Christian clergyman in the town.

“God blesses entrepreneurs with good business sense,” he said, “and punishes those without it. Money can’t buy happiness or a place in heaven.” he added, but few are listening, “I hear that work has resumed on ‘Project Gateway’ with the intention to open it as a Mosque,” he concluded sadly.

©Ten Grand Leo

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