Beastly Con Con Ulster-Scots Uncategorized

BREAKING: Shinner outrage at DUP ‘Tits Out’ poster goes ‘Brits up’

A ‘TITS Out’ poster being handed out at a DUP Freshers week stall at Queen’s University has been sent to the UN to ascertain if a crime against humanity has been committed. 

The news comes just days after Sinn Fein students the so called ‘Ogra’ were in the firing line for their ‘Brits Out’ poster. 

The latest poster’s author, North Antrim Young Democrat, (DUP youth wing), Rhonda Hamilton-Armstrong has denied that the poster in anyway disrespects woman. 

“I wasn’t  describing ladies’ bosoms,” she told reporters, “that would be sexist, I meant ‘tit’ in the sense of idiot, knob or dickhead, a Philistine or Pharisee biblically speaking.”

“If these ‘tits’ have nothing better to do than moan and be annoying about everything, they should just leave Northern Ireland,” Ms Hamilton-Armstrong, a final year politics student, said. 

Responding to suggestions that the poster was to say the least, confusing and open to being misunderstood, Ms Hamilton-Armstrong replied, “absolutely not!” 

“The ‘Brits Out’ poster used terminology that doesn’t distinguish between British state infrastructure and British national affiliation among citizens, with Sinn Fein offering as an explanation that ‘everyone knows what they mean.’ 

“My poster works on exactly the same basis!” she maintained, “and there is an Ulster-Scots version too – ‘Tits Oot’.”

Miraculously, the initial indignant outrage was stilled on the lips of the great feminists of Belfast by this explanation.

They let her off with a warning to be more careful with her language in future.

Sinn Fein did not take such a forgiving attitude. 

“Is there no despicable depth of sexism, racism or bigotry the DUP will not lower  themselves too?” asked west Belfast MLA Sliotar O’Slaughterach, “using an innocent wee girl as a front for their scandalous disrespect to women.

“I have already, using tweezers, placed a copy of this revolting sexist poster into a file being prepared for the UN about the multifaceted nature of DUP civil rights and equality violations.”

He added that he had also been on to the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg!

TGL put details of this story to the EU’s Mr Guy Verhofstadt who dismissed Sinn Fein’s threats as “poppycock”. 

“In the EU we don’t countenance these sorts of double standards and mock outrage,” he concluded “many people think I’m a ‘tit’, that’s their right! That’s the EU; and I think people are ‘tits’ too, Nigel Farage is the biggest ‘tit’ in Europe!” 

“Ms Hamilton-Armstrong is the first person from the UK to put a smile on my face in about six months. 

“On this occasion it’s ‘Brits Up’ not ‘Brits Out’ as far as I am concerned,” the Belgian concluded. 

©Ten Grand Leo

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