Smelly Brexit Uncategorized

BREAKING: Russian ghoul running amuck in Downing Street – Johnson denies all

Putin takes control of UK government as BATTLE of the BORISES rages

PM BORIS Johnston has denied being a lackey of the Kremlin after claims that he has been possessed by the spirit of former Russian President Boris Yeltsin, who died in 2007.  

Internationally respected occultist Madame Amos Fairybush has said that Mr Yeltsin’s ghost “compels Mr Johnson to take decisions that are not in the British national interest.”

Madame Fairybush says she encountered Mr Yeltsin, who was Russian President from 1991 to 1999, in the netherworld during a séance.

“During our conversations Mr Yeltsin’s spirit said it takes up residence in the PMs body regularly, especially on days when crucial Brexit decisions were being made.

“He hangs over his bed all night and then scoots down inside as he awakes,” Madame Fairybush said.

“Yeltsin’s spirit told me that current Russian President Vladimir Putin had asked him via a Siberian medium to do it for Mother Russia as a patriotic duty.” 

The news comes as Mr Johnston has been accused of suppressing a potentially damaging report into Russian interference in British elections, including the payment of vast sums to the Conservative Party. 

Though the PM has dismissed all of this as “poppycock,” the allegations have been substantiated by an anonymous Downing Street whistleblower.

The person, who met Mr Yeltsin several times in the 1990’s, claims “there are days  when you can hardly tell one Boris from the other.

“The PM spends his time knocking back the vodka, barking out orders in Russian, threatening to send people to the gulag and signing documents in Cyrillic text instead of Latin.

“He is the very reincarnation of Boris Yeltsin, the similarity is uncanny. 

“It’s a real ‘Battle of the Borises’. You can see Boris Johnson is in their somewhere, but often the big Russian spirit is just too forceful for our poor little English man,” she concluded.   

“What absolute yak piss,” Boris told TGL, “you are scraping the bottom of the Volga you really are.” 

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