GETTING scunnered at the thran slabberin of voters – that is the secret bond linking Northern Ireland’s top politicians according to tribal slabberin expert Dr Pernickety Dockerty.
Candidly captured for TGL’s ‘The Pew’ programme the five party leaders spoke candidly to Dr Dockerty about what it was like traipsing Ulster’s streets in winter and what they really thought about voters.
“Constituents are thran hoores at the best of times, often the slabbers of them would scunner a saint (if I believed in that sort of thing),” DUP leader Arlene Foster candidly revealed, “but we love them anyway.”
“I’d stick a slabber curtailing sock in the bakes of the opposition far handier,” she concluded.
“Unionist voters slabber way more than nationalist ones and republican wans slabber least of all,” Sinn Fein’s Michelle O’Neill remarked, “and that’s not just thran talk or cheap political points scoring, that’s just the type of slabber you can use if you’ve got away with terrorism for 30 years!”
“But constituents are a secret scunner at times, I confess!”
“Face Book and Twitter has magnified the slabberin capacity of voters,” UUP leader Steve Aiken observed, “with thran posturing and acting all scunnered being part of that! But knocking doors they’re not as bad! It’s the slabberin politicians you want to watch.”
“Derry men aren’t thran, nor do we slabber,” the SDLP’s Colm Eastwood declared, “we are a higher cut o moral hoore just like John Hume designed us to be.
“He moulded us to lead the magnificent all-Ireland political project and it scunners me that so few voters get this. But we shall overcome some century!”
“Respectful slabberin is to be tolerated and encouraged,” Alliance’s Naomi Long said, “and I confess that I am a bit of a slabberer myself, a true mirror to my constituents.
“DUP slabbers would scunner the thranest and votes are coming our way because of it,” she predicted.
“People get scunnered with our politicians, but we shouldn’t be too unkind,” summed up Dr Dockerty, “If they slabber a lot it’s only because the people slabber far more. That’s representative democracy!”
“If we lived in a dictatorship, there would be just one party, and none of us would be allowed to slabber at all – think about that,” concluded Dr Dockerty.