SPECULATION that plans are afoot to build the so called “national narrative of reconciliation” out of Lego after the united Ireland has sparked a wave of disbelief and indignation across the country.
Leo Varadkar has categorically denied the claim, after the contents of an email to the Danish toy giant, originating in the Taoiseach’s office, was leaked.
“I was just putting a feeler out,” he defended himself, keen to stem the wave of ‘Boycott Lego’ toy shop protests that had broken out.
“This has been 800 years in the making and our ‘national narrative of reconciliation’ will be constructed by Irish people with Irish materials,” warned veteran protestor, Ruraigh Mac Giolla Íosa.
Many people have been focused on the ‘national narrative’ idea since former Irish President Mary McAleese’s recent call to create “a new narrative around a reconciled Ireland where everyone is welcome.”
Getting beyond wrapping yourself in the green flag, was vital, she said.
Sinn Féin activists had got themselves all hyped up too, after listening to a screed of similar idealism during their Ard Fheis in Derry.
Many, like Dub activist Joey Brennan, had returned home keen to get a start made, as he said:
“We were well stoked after the Ard Fheis and me and a couple of the lads thought we would start knocking together a narrative immediately.
“We had our token unionists lined up with trowels and blocks and everything,” he said, “it was very hurtful to hear that Leo had been on to Lego.”
Joey and his comrades immediately joined the city wide toy shop protests.
“We will not allow Leo’s Lego treachery to do The Irish People, OURSELVES ALONE, out of our sacred right to construct our narrative of reconciliation,” he concluded.
Under pressure to explain himself Mr Varadkar released a statement.
“We thought the idea of using children’s play bricks was worth looking into,” he said, “who could possibly object to allowing the very youngest to participate in such a historic project?
“What unionist could object to Lego?” he went on, “even adults love Lego. I still have an odd play myself.
“Nationalism, as Mary said, is for weans and we need to out grow it!” Mr Varadkar continued, “but fear not citizenry, we will be using an immense variety of Irish materials, and there will be a full public consultation I assure you.”
Addressing a main concern of protestors, Mr Varadkar concluded: “I can guarantee that no one will have box sets forced on them, where you can only build one thing.
“There will be copious piles of every sort of brick to allow the The Irish People to build whatever they see fit.”
Leitrim Ulster-Scots equality activist Sawney McCleaver, up shopping for toys for his grandchildren, had to keep his head down until the reconciliation narrative protests had dispersed.
“So nationalist non nationalism is whar we’re headed,” he mused, “rare heed yins these boys, life ay different tha same!”