TGL special EIRE correspondent Oliver Plunket O’Twist, who knows all there is to know about ‘The British’, has today filed a special report from inside 10 Downing Street.
“Using a vulture disguise to blend in, I ensconced myself inside the British leader’s residence post-election,” Plunkett O’Twist said, “I can report that the signing of documents, the phoning of world leaders and meetings of newly elected public school ‘chappies’ and ‘chapesses’ has gone on apace since last Friday.
“It was a total scunner listening to a clatter of multi-millionaires spout that Europhobic populist tripe as they gloated about how they had fooled the English working classes into believing that they actually cared a single poo stain about them, but I endured it!
“Interestingly, on Friday night drunken fornication occurred on the famed British Imperial (as was) cabinet table.
“The PM was involved, but it was difficult to ascertain whether it was a partner, concubine or floozy on the underside of proceedings (so to speak), but I can confirm with reasonable assurance that the person was female, or perhaps shemale.”
“The lights were dimmed and there was a young man in naval uniform under the portrait of Pitt the Glint in the Milkman’s Eye, discretely playing his whistle.
“Let me be clear that this aspect of proceedings was incidental to my real work which is entirely in the public interest.
“’I’m Captain ruddy Pugwash I am aren’t I?’ I heard the PM ejaculate.
“’Oh you are, you are!’ the ‘lady’ said.
“’Ah Mabel by fuck you’re able…’
“’Ooooh I should certainly hope so Prime Minister.’
“Five years will be an eternity listening to this oule shite,” concluded Plunkett O’Twist, “but I’m on top of it in the public interest.
“Career wise getting to pontificate on the break-up of the UK is a once in an 800 year opportunity and I’m here for the duration!” he added, “#revengeissweet, (professionally speaking).”