BREAKING: DUP Ulster – Scotland bridge plan collapses – Boris says gemmy bar project will save billions

PLANS are afoot to jemmy bar Northern Ireland and Scotland together, physically uniting all parts of the United Kingdom for the first time. 

Sources in Whitehall are saying that PM Boris Johnston has abandoned the DUP ‘super-bridge’ plan in favour of physically levering the two nations together. 

“Boris has obtained costings that confirm it would be far cheaper to lever the two islands together using jemmy bars,” the source revealed.

“The bridge has been DUP policy for some time,” East Antrim MP Sammy Wilson told TGL, “I haven’t seen the detail of the jemmy plan yet and can’t rule anything out, but I suspect very big gemmy bars would be needed.”

SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon told TGL that Boris wouldn’t be welcome poking her beloved Scotland with needles never mind huge jemmy bars.

“The PM should stick a sock in it,” she added, “as should Sammy.”

©Ten Grand Leo