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BREAKING: TUV leader Jim Allister’s double life as an X Man is exclusively revealed

Imploding politician rules out Stormont shaking hand entanglement with Sinn Fein Minister

TUV leader Jim Allister is an ‘imploding  politician’, whose immense regenerative powers allow him to operate in parts of Ulster’s political landscape others cannot, it has been claimed. 

Mr Allister, who has spent the last week blasting away at the New Decade New Approach deal, that saw our politicians return to Stormont, has refused to deny the claim made by Professor Yvonne Flutterhoffen of the University of North Korea, who suspects he might actually be the X Man Rejecterine.  

“Mr Allister’s negative political outlook, seeing republican plots and DUP treachery in everything, causes huge amounts of negative energy to course through his body,” Prof. Flutterhoffen told TGL.

“For example many would see the New Decade New Approach as a mixed bag for everyone with both the DUP and Sinn Fein being brought to heel by fear of an election.

“But for Mr Allister last week’s deal is just the latest humiliation for the DUP, with unionism being thrown over a cliff – again! 

“Shortly after when the Taoiseach appeared beside PM Boris Johnston, it was in Mr Allister’s eyes, specifically to put the boot in again. 

“Next week it will be the Betrayal Act as we leave the EU, then something else and so on and on!

“Dealing with this volume of negative energy is impossible for most people, but Mr Allister doesn’t actually deal with negative energy like you or me,” the Professor claims.

“Each time the activating stimulus occurs – dark plots by republicans or the Irish government and DUP treachery – a massive surge of supercharged negative energy courses through him, becoming so intense that  his trip switch flips and he implodes – with regeneration occurring spontaneously after that, in a process so fast you wouldn’t see it.”

Prof. Flutterhoffen suspects in fact Mr Allister’s true identity might be the X Man Rejecterine, 

“It looks very much as if his bones have been replaced with Craigantium,” added Prof. Flutterhoffen, “which is as thran an element as you can get!”  

TGL put the claims to Mr Allister, who did not deny that he has powers similar to Wolverine played by Hugh Jackman in the movies.

“The sad thing is that if he simply shook Conor Murphy’s  hand, the energy released would shake Stormont to it’s foundations,” Prof. Flutterhoffen continued.

“MLA’s would cite health and safety factors as the excuse to do eff all for another few years, thus ending mandatory coalition, which is what he wants.  

“Unfortunately Mr Allister could never ever bring himself to shake a Shinners hand and that, tragically, is his downfall.”

©Ten Grand Leo

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