Breaking: DUP does crocodile this time around as Arlene and Michelle to swop hairdos

THE DUP are going to be the “crocodiles” in the new Stormont Executive, taking over from Sinn Fein, who had that righteously indignant role previously, it has emerged.  

The leaked PMs between First Minister Foster and Deputy First Minister O’Neill also revealed that they would be swopping hairdos as well, thus allowing personal insults to be easier traded.

Mrs Foster will be going bleach blond, while Ms O’Neill will be going brown and boyish. 

“I’ll have something for your crocodiles in a week or too Arlene as discussed,” the DFM told the FM in the message. 

“Affirmative Michelle, and make sure and let that thatch of yours grow out and I’ll get the marigolds on and get the head steeped this evening!”

“Are you not going to go to a hairdressers?” asked the DFM 

“Not at all, I think this will wash better with the voters,” the FM replied, “and anyway a homemade job will make it easier for you!” 

“Guffaw Arlene you are a card – and so helpful!” 

Don’t I know it, Michelle – and my lot are primed and loaded for righteous indignation any time you’re ready.”

“OK no bother leave it with me – and would ye tell that Pootsie of yours that Ministers don’t wear farmers wellies to the office!”


Readers will remember last time round Mrs Foster insulted Ms O’Neil’s bleach blond hair in the individual sense and the Sinn Fein and their support base in the collective sense by referring to them as crocodiles. 

It now appears that this was a carefully choreographed dance aimed at ensuring that the sectarian tensions keeping the two parties in votes stay well ramped up. 

©Ten Grand Leo

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