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BREAKING: Mutant money eating woodworm blamed for Causeway Coast and Glens Council super-debt

‘There is no real point in the Auditors coming in, its Rentokill we need really’

CAUSEWAY Coast and Glens Borough Council are blaming a mutant woodworm for their astronomical financial deficit estimated to be over £7 million, or maybe moths. 

The news broke after the SDLP grouping on the council called for the NI Audit Office to intervene to take over the running of the finances to try and get them in order.

Rejecting this call, a Council spokesperson said it wasn’t Auditors that was needed, but Rentokill.   

 “We kept all the money in a big cellar under the Council Chamber and Officers went down and got a handful when they needed it for anything,” the spokesperson revealed to TGL, 

“We had gone though a few boxes of cash and our main big box had been lying a good long while, because we are so careful with ratepayers cash, but  when we opened it, the wee bastards had chewed through the lot, it was very disheartening, it being public money and therefore treasured by all of us.”

“Our own Pest Control Officer suspects a new mutant strain of woodworm that consumes paper as well,  or maybe moth larvae, but that would need to be confirmed,” the spokesperson concluded, “so there is no real point in the Auditors coming in, its Rentokill we need really.”  

No councillor was available for comment, but TGL understands that a specially formed  all party sub committee is currently standing in the cellar looking into it and scratching their heads. 

©Ten Grand Leo

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