A LARGE chest of Spanish Armada treasure will solve the financial crisis facing Causeway Coast and Glens Borough Council, a spokesperson for the financially beleaguered organisation revealed earlier today.
Initial reports of a £6.2m deficit, recently skyrocketed tenfold to an astounding £75m debt and talk of a 15% rates hike, which was followed by a call for the Northern Ireland Audit Office to intervene.
“Feck knows what the cash situation is really,” the spokesperson said, “budgeting wouldn’t be our strong suit, much as we ‘treasure’ (ha ha) rate payer’s money and all that.”
“Now don’t get me wrong, ratepayers are rightly jittery at the ridiculous sounding numbers being bandied about, but they and the Audit Office can rest assured that our pecuniary problems will be completely transformed with a large deposit of Girona doubloons due to replenish our coffers very soon!”
Readers will doubtless be aware that the Girona was the famed Armada ship that languished in a storm near the Giants’ Causeway in 1588.
Dismissing suggestions that everything of value had long since been removed from the wreak, the spokesperson continued: “Senior officers can now confirm that there is a huge chest of golden doubloons lying undiscovered under a wee pile of muck about 100 yards from the wreak.
“Previous divers are a bit dopey and must have missed it, not like our senior officers who are such clever clogs and really talented.
“They have been keeping this little beauty up their sleeves as a Plan B for some time and we’ll be sending down our best sub-aqua people to bring it all up shortly – this should net us a cool £75 million.”
“I think ratepayers will be pleasantly surprised when they find rates have gone down in a few weeks time, not up, as all the prophets of doom are predicting.”
TGL understands that councillors have been made aware of this development and are crossing their fingers as they wait to see how it pans out.
©Ten Grand Leo