SCOTLAND/ULSTER super-bridge latest: 5 million Londoners set to relocate to Larne

Scots and Ulster-Scots elocution lessons planned for snooty migrants and cockneys

PIGS will fly between Scotland and Northern Ireland as part of the new super-bridge plan that also involves a tunnel, two islands, an airport and the relocation of 10 million people.

This is according to draft plans released today by the PM’s office outlining how the £20billion project will be delivered. 

“The main problem has always been that the populations on each side are too low for a bridge to be viable,” said Boris Johnston, speaking from the steps of Number 10.

“So what we propose to do is move the population of London up that way with say five million each side of the new bridge, thus making the project economically sustainable. 

“This kills two birds with one stone as the city is finished anyway due to Brexit and it’s better that people move to parts of the UK that will soon rejoin the EU.”

The PM then explained that the last major purely engineering obstacle was the Beaufort’s Dyke, a deep 1000ft deep sea trench containing every manner of dumped crap spanning the centuries including WW2 munitions, old suits of armour, Roman chariots etc! 

“We will solve this by building a couple of islands, as they have done in Dubai, one each side of the dyke. 

“It’ll be a bridge from Scotland to island one, a quick hop in our specially designed Bubble Bellied Craft (BBC) over the deep bit with all the war bombs in it, to island two, then a tunnel to Ireland – nothing to it really.”

Mr Johnston rejected any notion that the plan was more tunnel than bridge.

“Absolute nonsense, this remains a 100% bridge project,” the PM reiterated, “and our BBC is not a pig, before you start scoffing. It’s a specially designed, rotund aeronautical carriage helicopter thingy with the colour of the livery being decided by public consultation.

“Ryan Air have offered to do the jump for us so delays and breakdowns will be non existent!” 

©Ten Grand Leo

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